Story 1 The coffee disaster
by Round Robin
Summary: A round robin crack!fic, some of you might have seen in a twitter thread, telling you a story about the importance of being properly caffeinated and also how vital it may be sometimes to stay away from wild ferrets...


**This is a round robin story, written tweet by tweet by 26 fanfiction writers (The whole list, as well as the link to the original thread, can be found in the profile). Hopefully, new stories will be added eventually. Thanks to everyone for joining in, both writers and readers!**

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She was doomed. Completely and utterly doomed. How could this happen to her? And today of all days?

Gates was going to be furious. Never mind Gates - the whole precinct would be outraged. She looked at the empty chair on the other side of her desk and let out a wistful sigh. Two more weeks.

She put her game face on, and looked at the coverall-clad men awaiting orders nearby.

"It's in the break room, over there. Do what you gotta do," she said, and watched sadly as they disconnected the coffee machine and took it away for repairs. Two more weeks.

The desk phone rang, bringing her out of her spiralling thoughts.

"Beckett."

"Hey, it's me."

"Castle, where are you?"

"Uh. I'm not sure, this hotel room looks the same as the last six." She hears rustling down the line. "Oh, apparently Chicago."

"They probably have coffee at the Chicago PD," she muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing." She sighed. "2 more weeks, huh?"

"Yeah." He lowered his voice. "What are you wearing?"

"Castle! I'm at the precinct!"

"Okay, then what are Ryan and Esposito wearing?"

"Rick!"

"Okay, sorry. What was that about coffee?"

She sighed. Avoiding.

"What?"

"Coffee machine. Had to send it in for repairs."

"Ah. No wonder you're testy."

"Castle, I'm -" Okay, a bit.

"Just order an upgrade, our account. It's due."

"But. It's..." It's silly. "Ours."

"It's still ours," he reminded gently.

"And if you order the newest model, it can be ours with Bluetooth and WiFi."

He seemed far too gleeful at the prospect, but her lips lifted anyway.

"Okay, but that doesn't help me now. I need something more immediate."

"BECKETT!" She winced at the familiar voice ringing through the bullpen."I gotta go," she said, her shoulders instinctively hunching."The coffeemaker's demise has been noticed."

"Gates?" His grin was evident even through the phone.

Kate shook her head. "Worse."

"What the hell are they doing with Castle's espresso machine?" a bleary-eyed and severely sleep-deprived Ryan asked, panic lacing his tone at the sight of them taking the machine towards the elevator.

"It's broken."

"What happened?"

Kate turned to glare at Esposito.

"SERIOUSLY? C'mon, Beckett, it was an accident!" Espo groaned, as though HE was the only one who was caffeine deprived.

Ryan finally turned to face them."Spill it."

Beckett just continued to glare at his partner. "Go on, Espo. Tell him all about parkour."

The man in question gave a snarl to the entire bullpen and then stormed out. Ryan, bewildered, looked back to Beckett for an explanation.

She lifted an eyebrow."Two words: Espo tried."

"Tried what?"

Beckett ticked off items on her fingers.

"To convince the drugged up suspect he spooked to get off the break room counter. To catch the suspect - and the espresso machine - when the guy fell. And finally, to fix the espresso machine. He failed. At all of it."

Ryan grimaced, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Ouch. What happened to the suspect?"

"Hospital." Beckett replied, rocking on her heels.

"What he break?"

"He didn't exactly break anything... you know that steamer rod on the espresso machine?"

Ryan went a little green.

"Let's just say it's not on its way back to the factory right now."

"Beckett?" At the timber of Gates' bellow, Kate dropped her voice to a whisper.

"I'll tell you about the ferret later."

Ryan went white. "Fer-"

Beckett slapped her hand over his mouth. "Shh!"

"What the hell happened to the breakroom?!"

Ugh. Busted. Beckett froze, slowly turning to face Gates' irate glare.

"You know I'm afr-, I mean allergic to ferrets," Ryan whispered behind her.

"Sir?"

"I expect this kind of nonsense when Mr Castle is here but as he's currently not, I'm sure there's some other... reasonable explanation for the mess?"

Kate closed her eyes and took a deep breath, bracing herself for Gates' surefire disapproval.

But her eyes flick to the empty space where the espresso machine should be.

"Where's our coffee machine?"

"Our coffee machine?" Beckett glances towards the pitiful thing in the corner she used to stubbornly rely on just to spite him. "Or Castle's?"

"Detective, I would tread very lightly today, if I were you," Gates snapped. "The espresso machine that's been sitting on this counter for at least as long as I've been captain of this precinct - where the hell is it?"

"Sir, that's really a question for Esposito."

"Given that Detective Esposito has departed," Gates states cooly as her teeth grit. "One of you is going to explain the absence of the espresso machine, now."

Beckett grimaces. "It's out of commission, Sir, until repairs are made."

Gates lets out a squawk of disapproval.

Ryan is shrinking as small as he can and retreating behind her, so Beckett decides it's up to her to rescue the situation, as much as possible.

"A drugged up suspect somehow broke free from interrogation, and while attempting to restrain him, Detective Esposito was unfortunately unable to utilise his Krav Maga skills as effectively as he would have liked." She maintains an entirely blank face.

"Then again, it is, I understand" - Gates glares - "extremely difficult to use martial arts when being attacked by a ferret."

"And what exactly was a ferret, of all things, doing in my precinct?" Gates glowers, folding her arms, disapproving.

Beckett pursed her lips, willing herself to remain calm despite the insanity of it all. "You know that birthday party magician we have in holding?"

"The ferret is his assistant, and a better escape artist than The Great Zandini himself," she continues. "But he's been dealt with, and our magician can pick him up at animal control once he's released. As for the espresso machine..."

"Handle it," Gates orders.

Beckett sits her desk to figure out what a wifi-equipped espresso machine could do for them. Perhaps there's a way for it to deliver a steaming mug to Gates the moment she arrives. Or maybe it could solve a murder or two. The phone rings. Speaking of murder...

"You have got to be kidding me," Beckett breathes as she drops the phone back down.

"Catch a case?" Ryan's grumpy, the lack of caffeine getting the better of all of them.

"Yeah, but you gotta say you're in before I tell you what it is."

"C'mon, Beckett, you already know I'm in. Just please tell me we can stop for coffee on the way." His voice almost slid up to a whine. "Man, if Castle were here he'd already have done a coffee run and gotten a new machine here. So what's the deal?"

"I mean, we can." She shrugged as she pulled her coat on. "But you have to promise not to pee your pants when we get to the scene."

"Why on earth would I be in danger of that?!"

Beckett smirked as she made her way to the elevator. "Two words: Killer. Clowns."

His face turned a ghastly shade of white. "If you leave me out of this case, I'll buy a new coffee maker right now."

Kate smirked. Bingo.

"Deal."

The end.

(And they all lived happily caffeinated ever after.)


End file.
